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Have there been times in your life where you wish this was your life? (Especially the part where animals dance and sing! ((am I right!?))) But more specifically, where you wish your life was happy, and that everything was sun shiny and gay?
I remember sitting at my mom’s house. At the age of 31 I was back in her home. After my ex-husband locked me out of our home, I was literally left with what would fit in the back of my dads truck.
Tears constantly fell down my face. I was suffering with a lot of shame, grief, and sadness. I hurt.
Back to Mary Poppins. Cue scene:
Burt, Marry Poppins, Jane and Michael are on the carousel.
The horses they are riding on begin to leave the carousel and glide beautifully up and down and up and down along the countryside. Eventually, these carousel horses join the fox hunt.
View Halloo yells one of the hunters as the hunting dogs bark and run towards the fox.
Burt, quicker than the other horses, sweeps up the hunted fox, places him on the back of his horse, and hops right over the hedge.
This was me. I have always been on the horse simply hopping over any obstacle that came my way.
I had never given myself permission to feel. I always thought I just needed to get over things. And so I did. I got over marriage one, and went straight to marriage two, and from marriage two right over to marriage three. Not ever moving through or dealing with anything, simply jumping right over all the feelings, emotions and pain and bringing all of that into another relationship.
You say something mean? No worries, doesn’t affect me, I’ll just hop right over it.
You cheat on me? No worries, doesn’t bother me, I’ll just pretend it didn’t happen and get over it.
You forget it’s my birthday? No worries, it’s fine. I’ll just get right over it.
Every. Single. Time.
Sitting in the pain this time, I knew something needed to change. The way I had been holding my life wasn’t work for me.
Let’s put this together. Imagine life like the carousel horses. Gliding along. Sometimes up. Sometimes down. But all of it a sense of beautiful. However, sometimes there’s this hedge that is big, and large, and ugly. We have two choices, one: hop right over it, pretend it doesn’t exist, believe it is no big deal. Numb. Dissociate. Cope. Ignore
Or two: Move Through It. Get off your horse. Get into your body. Breathe.
It might simply start with a step into the brush. Perhaps you get poked with a stick, or scratched on the arm, or have a hard time seeing what is more than two feet in front of you. It’ll probably suck. It’ll most likely be uncomfortable.
But, you can do it. And, it’s so important that you do.
Yoga, in all its forms, gives you an opportunity to do just that, to move through the brush, to feel the emotion, to come out the other side with a knowledge and understand greater than you would have ever received had you hopped over the hedge.
This month, I am excited to introduce BackPocket Yoga’s beginner series. My hope and desire in creating this is for you to not need to “think so much” about the postures, and enable you the opportunity to feel more what the body is saying.
Giving you the opportunity to move through.
No need to continue to jump over the hedge.
Move your body. Heal. Breathe. Grow.
I love you,