As I observe my thoughts and expectations, it is funny what comes to mind with a simple word. These are, or course, my own interpretations.
Provide. To be grounded in life. Have a knowledge of Safety & Security in finances, work, home, and body
Preside. To never lose their shi* (lol). Guide and direct from a place of love. To govern and watch over
Protect. To keep safe. Make sure all is taken care of. Watch Guard
I do love the idea of all of them. They ring true, on some level. But I have a deeper thought about them. Let me see if I can explain…
If I have an expectation, that I will meet someone that can provide, shouldn’t I have the same expectation for myself? What if, instead of expecting someone else to carry these characteristics into a relationship, I also bring them? My belief is, there is so much power in knowing you can provide for yourself. To know you, as a human being, have the ability and freedom to be able to work, budget finances, feed yourself wisely, move your body and take care of your needs… all on your own.
Is it better with another person!? Absolutely! But why would I expect something from someone else I don’t expect from myself?
If I have an expectation that I will meet someone that can preside, shouldn’t I have the same expectation for myself? The word preside for me takes a little bit of a different stance than perhaps the cultural norm. I have been the head of my household for most of my boys life. I totally lose my shi* at times but I try to govern and watch over my boys, direct and guide them, all from a place of love.
Is it better with another person, who can work with you as a team? You bet! But why would I expect something from someone else I don’t expect from myself?
If I have an expectation that I will meet someone that can protect, shouldn’t I have the same expectation for myself? And!? What? Does? This? Word? Mean? … exactly??
I have had a few situations in my short past that have different connotations with this word. I’ll make it quick..
We’re standing in my garage. I am about to head out on a walk on my own. He, nervous that something bad might happen to me, hands me mace, just in case. He wants to make sure I am safe. To protect me.
After lies and heartache and pain and more lies, he says the reason he lied was because he never wanted to hurt me. He was trying to protect me.
I understand there is some small desire of chivalry in both of these statements. However, there is a deeper truth that can be expressed. Allow me to elaborate:
I can completely understand him fearing me walking alone on a path. Scary things happen to women all day long. But, what if the protection I sought from him, was him being honest with me?
I can completely understand him wanting to “protect” me from pain of the truth. So, naturally, lies are the acceptable form of “protection”… except, his protection from the truth and the telling of lies, hurt me worse then anything.
… in the end, there was no protection. and lots of pain.
So how can we bring this word “protect” into a relationship. You carrying the same expectation and characteristics as the other?
Here’s what I think…
- It’s my job, in our relationship, to protect you from heartache. It’s your job, in our relationship, to protect me from heartache. Not that heartache won’t happen, that isn’t something anyone CAN control, but that I will do my best to perform admirably to the desires and love of your heart. And that you will do the same for mine.
- It’s my job, in our relationship, to protect you from lies. It’s your job, in our relationship, to protect me from lies. This means to be truthful. Even if it is the “please God, don’t let this be truth, truth.” To not steal truth from another shows you trust that they are capable of handling it. I always say, “Error on the side that I want to know. If I don’t want to know, let me be the one to decide.”
- It’s my job, in our relationship, to protect you from betrayal. It’s your job, in our relationship, to protect me from betrayal. Betrayal defined: occurs when people or institution on which a person relies on for protection, survival, or resources violates the trust of that person. This alone is all encompassing as we hold ourselves to the expectation of Providing for ourselves. Presiding for ourselves, and Protecting ourselves.
If I have the expectation that I will do these things for you, that is all I can control. It is ultimately, my job, to make sure I am walking towards my divine center. That every action I take, every breath I breathe, will protect myself, and YOU from heartache. That means I speak truth with every word I say. That means I don’t feign affection. That means I act from a place that moves toward love. If I am living this way, I am present, and if I am present, I have power, and if I have power, I will be able to stand in my truth. And truth provides PROTECTION.
And I LOVE TRUTH. And in the end, I love YOU because I love ME. And then, I love US. And it’s magical
When I can hold myself to all these things. And you can hold yourself to all these things. And we can hold hands together and walk towards our divine center and towards God, well… I can’t imagine a more perfect outcome.